Practicing Awareness of Microaggressions

I used to have a friend who is a gay man. I haven't seen him in years but we used to spend a lot of time together. This week I saw a scenario play out that reminded me of something that used to happen to him all the time. I was in a store this week and I overheard a conversation between a man and a woman. He was telling her about someone he knew that he wanted to fix her up with. I heard him say "He's single, you're single, why wouldn't it work?" I was doing my shopping so I moved on without hearing the rest of the conversation.

However, this reminded me of a number of times when I would be with my friend and someone, often someone he barely knew, would tell him they had the perfect guy for him. It was like because he was gay they thought any other gay man was "his type" or "the perfect guy" for him. He and I talked about it a couple of times and although he was a very strong person he said it kind of hurt that people who barely knew him thought they could fix him up just because they knew another gay guy (to use his words). This example of microaggression was one I had forgotten all about until I read the discussion prompts this week and then I overheard the conversation in the grocery store.

If I'm being honest, I never could understand the hurt that my friend experienced because I am not a gay man and I don't know what it feels like to be discriminated against in that way. However, I was once a single woman and I have experienced the situation I saw unfold this week. As I thought about it in the context of microaggression I realized that when this happened to me I did feel insulted. I can only imagine how it must feel to be marginalized and discounted as a human who wants specific things in a mate when you are already a person who experiences outward and intentionally hurtful discrimination because of your sexual orientation.

As I observed those around me this week with a focus on trying to pick out microaggressions it helped me to be more aware of discrimination and prejudice especially as it has to do with power incongruence. When power is in a person's corner, so to speak, they can engage in microaggressions. Often, these microaggressions are not meant to be hurtful or to perpetuate stereotypes but they do. However, we also have to be careful not to make assumptions about our view of what is happening to others. Perhaps the microaggressions I think I see do not cause any harm to the person they are directed toward. If this is the case then are they microaggressions at all? Only the person who receives the message can truly know if they feel that there is a hidden, unintended message that causes them harm.

Perspectives on Diversity and Culture: The Viewpoint of Family and Friends

I asked 3 of my friends/family, who prefer to remain unnamed, their definition of culture and diversity. Here, I want to give you a sense of their answers and the impression I got while they answered. One of my interviewees was fairly stumped and said that it was hard to put into words. Another said they had never been asked that question before. I purposely chose people who do not work in any kind of social service or humanity fields. I guess I expected a lot of answers about race, religion, or ethnicity. However, I was pleasantly surprised when each of them gave me an answer that was far from what I expected.

Here are some of the key words they used to explain culture:

• background, upbringing, surroundings, family, extended family, community, the things that influence you

And diversity:

• wide range of differences, many variables, not the same pattern

As I said, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the friends and family I spoke to included many of the aspects of culture that go beyond what we see on the surface. In this course, we have discussed deep vs. surface culture and the aspects of deep culture that were mentioned during my conversations with my friends and family impressed me. Particularly when I heard "the things that influence you" it made a connection to what I have studied throughout my formal and informal educational journey.

Strangely to answer the portion of this assignment that asks about what has been omitted from the definitions it brings me back to the surface culture aspects. No one mentioned race, or dress, or holidays/traditions. I was truly shocked by this! I wonder if they have been listening in on my own thoughts.


As I reflected on what each of the interviewees shared with me it caused me to reaffirm what my own beliefs are about culture. However, it also helped me realize that the surface culture is important too. Those surface aspects of culture are important because they symbolize the outward representation of what is lurking below the surface. The below graphic is one of many that I have found and used this week but this one does not point to the exact things that fit into each level. I found that important because what is surface and what is deep could vary from person to person. I also really like how it shows 3 layers of culture, not just 2. It shows that the deeper you go the more ingrained and instinctual the cultural aspects of a person become.

My Family Culture

The following blog is in response to this scenario:


A major catastrophe has almost completely devastated the infrastructure of your country. The emergency government has decided that the surviving citizens will be best served if they are evacuated to other countries willing to take refugees. You and your immediate family are among the survivors of this catastrophic event. However, you have absolutely no input into the final destination or in any other evacuation details. You are told that your host country’s culture is completely different from your own, and that you might have to stay there permanently. You are further told that, in addition to one change of clothes, you can only take 3 small items with you. You decide to take three items that you hold dear and that represent your family culture.



What I would bring with me if I had to evacuate...

Photographs: The first item I would choose would be a thumb drive with all of my photographs. Especially those of family and friends.

Music: I would want to have all of my favorite music with me.

Kindle: Books, books, and more books!

To explain to someone else what these items mean to me seems simple. Photographs and music are connected to memories of the time I have spent with loved ones. This is why they are both so important to me. I could use them to escape into my memories; they evoke feelings of love and connectedness.

Books are also sometimes about making connections between my own life and the characters. But I think the reason I love books most is that I was taught to enjoy and appreciate them from a very young age. My mom was always taking us to the library and bookstores. She read to us often and encouraged us to read on our own, as well. She modeled that reading is important and enjoyable. Whenever I talk with my mom we always discuss what we are currently reading. Reading has always been an engrained part of my life. In fact, my sister is an author, taking her love of books to the next level to pursue it as a profession.

The most important realization that I had while working through what I wanted to take with me on this imaginary journey was that all of the things I would take are important because they hold memories of important times in my life. I came to realize that my family culture is immersed in making memories together. We cherish the experiences that bond us together much more than any material possessions.

So, if I found upon arriving that I could keep only one item it would be hard but the memories could not be erased. I would still be able to remember the times I spent with my family and friends that those material items would remind me of. Those memories are the most important thing I could take along with me.