Communication Assessment Reflection

At first, I only planned to ask two people from my personal life to do the communication assessments for me this week. I was thinking that asking a colleague to do something like this on a holiday week was just, well... rude. However, in the end I did ask my supervisor to complete the assessments and she agreed. In the chart below you can see how I "rated" according to myself, Dean (my boyfriend), Jenn (my sister), and Andrea (my supervisor/colleague).

I think the one outcome that was the most surprising was how low the others believe my communication anxiety is. In fact, Andrea rated me the lowest and she sees me in my most anxiety provoking situations when it comes to communication. She has observed me in meetings and presenting professional development opportunities to groups. This is when, internally, I feel the most nervous and anxious. However, she apparently sees me as more cool, calm, and collected than I feel.

One thing that I learned about my communication this week is that I possibly morph myself into different listening styles based on whether it is a business situation (action oriented according to Andrea) or personal situation (people oriented according to my family). I think this is okay, but I also feel like I need to work more on focusing on a people oriented listening style in my coaching work. Being action oriented in my professional life is also something that is necessary if progress toward quality is going to be made. So, while I want to continue to be more sensitive/people oriented in my work I also know that this is not always the best approach to getting things done.

The second insight I gained this week is that I, and everyone who helped me this week, see me as moderate in the verbal aggressiveness scale. My sister was somewhat surprised about this saying "On the verbal one I was actually surprised you fell into the moderate range. Thought for sure you'd be more in the low. I mean, not that moderate was bad or anything but I just don't see you as a verbally aggressive person AT ALL." I went on to explain to her that I really wasn't surprised that I fell into the moderate range for verbal aggressiveness when I read the description. I do like to make my point and won't just agree with others because I don't want to get into a debate about something. I feel this is a good balance for me- not a person who insults others but also not a wallflower. I think this is exactly how I want to communicate with others in most situations.

I also feel that my continually reflective nature allowed me to understand most  of my communication styles in the same way that others see me. It felt good to know that how I view myself is mostly aligned with how others see me- both family and colleagues alike. This was a really fun and informative assignment. I hope you all enjoyed it too! 

Altering Communication

So many things affect the way we communicate with different people. Many aspects of culture have an influence on how I alter my communication efforts. Communication should be individualized between the parties who are engaged with each other. This is not to say that I intend to treat people from different cultural backgrounds differently. More so, that I try to be aware that every individual has different expectations and levels of comfort with different aspects of communication. Additionally, I have my own nuances of communication which I prefer. It is important to remember that when communicating with others our own culture and communication preferences come into play.

For example, when communicating with people with certain political beliefs I tend to shy away from mentioning certain topics because it makes me uncomfortable to discuss politics when another person might become angry or offended; in our country, today, this is all too common. Also, I will change my speech pattern to match that of the person with whom I am communicating. Perhaps I will slow down when speaking to a person whose first language is not English or I will monitor my use of certain slang when talking with an elderly or young person. I do not think that race and sexual orientation have any influence on my method of communication- at least none that are obvious to me.

A few strategies to communicate more effectively:

• Consciously identify and recognize the nonverbal behaviors of varying people to match my own nonverbal communication to theirs. I am thinking about things like amount of personal space and whether touch or eye contact are a part of the communication patterns.
• View the communication scenario through the eyes of my communication partner and if there seems to be discomfort, alter the next communication attempt.
• Build relationships with communication partners over time and by being aware of the other person's comfort level in the way the relationship is unfolding. Sometimes building a relationship involves finding commonalities and other times it is simply a matter of being aware of the other person.

References

Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Communication of Characters

This week I was tasked with the assignment of watching a television show that I do not normally watch to investigate the communication of its characters. First, I was to watch it with the sound off

and then again with the sound on. I chose a show that I had considered watching but had not gotten around to yet, The Good Place with Kristen Bell and Ted Danson. I chose a random episode on Netflix and completed the assigned task.

There was a lot that I could tell by observing without sound. Facial expressions and body language often connected to the feelings and intentions of the characters. I identified annoyance and bewilderment based on facial expressions, excitement by the use of hand gestures while speaking, frustration through hands placed on hips and eye rolling, and confusion through raised eyebrows and widening of the eyes. These impressions tended to be correct when watching the show again with volume.

However, a few of the assumptions I made about the relationships among the characters turned out to be severely flawed. For example, when I saw one female character braiding another's hair it seemed to indicate that they had a level of intimacy in their friendship. However, it turned out that they did not like each other as much as it would have seemed and were trying to force themselves to bond via this exercise. Just prior to this they had both, separately, told a male character that they were in love with him. Due to the show being a comedy, instead of say a drama, this was not at all apparent during their exchanges. He sat with his body drawn closed in on itself and the women both stood and spoke to him animatedly. The non-verbal communication did not match what I would have expected while professing one's love.

I think the biggest lesson I learned is that context and personal communication styles have everything to do with how we perceive communication from others. Context, for example matters when you consider whether the moment is meant to bring laughter or tears; in a television show this will affect every interaction among the characters. I also feel that my own schemas about communication played a large part in how I viewed these characters and their interactions. I made an assumption that the character played by Ted Danson was an authority or boss of some kind because when the show opened he sat at a desk with a small group of other characters on the other side of it. In general, when I have had interactions with someone sitting on the opposite side of a desk from me they have been an authority figure of some kind.

If this had been a show I knew well I might have had a better understanding of some of the contexts that skewed my perceptions. For example, while I do think that Ted Danson's character is some sort of authority he seems to be flailing in this position. If I had known his character better prior to watching the episode without the sound I might have known his nuanced behaviors which indicate his personality and feelings while communicating.

This is also true in real life. Effective communication often takes time to build through relationships. Sure,

we can have brief exchanges with people we do not know but in order to begin to understand underlying meanings it is crucial to know that person well and to listen with both your ears and eyes.